Who Ate My Cookies?
by Masami
Summary: Edward Elric is finally giving himself a break. He plans spend his day quietly by reading a book and enjoying his coffee and cookies. But where are the cookies? [oneshot]


**Who Ate My Cookies?**

**Disclaimer: **None of these lovely characters - namely Edward and Alphonse Elric, Roy Mustang, Jean Havoc and Riza Hawkeye, who appear in this fanfiction – from Fullmetal Alchemist belong to me, sadly. Oh how I wish to own Roy….

**Author's Note: **It's been a while since I last wrote a fanfiction – the only time when I wrote something was for English class, which wasn't fun. This is my first Fullmetal Alchemist fanfic, but I do wish to keep up my tradition of writing humour, as I did when I used write Hunter x Hunter fanfics. Hope you like it! And um…. Please don't take this too seriously. It's meant to be a fluff piece.

* * *

Edward Elric, the young State Alchemist, marched happily out of a bakery with a small bagful of cookies in his hands. Through the transparent wrapping, one could see the mouth-watering, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Large chunks of chocolate were embedded in the cookies, which seemed to be a lovely snack. He hummed to himself as he walked down the street and went into the room of the hotel his brother Alphonse and he were renting. _First_, he thought to himself, _I'll prepare some coffee. I wonder where the oatmeal cookies that I bought yesterday went…. I swear I remember putting them on the cupboard above the kitchen counter…. Maybe Al fed them to some stray cats. Oh well, at least I got to buy chocolate chip cookies. I'll enjoy these cookies while reading the new book Taisa let me borrow along with the coffee._

He put aside the cookies and as water heated in the kettle, he sighed and thought of their endless journey. Trying to find the Philosopher's Stone was hard enough, let along having to fight so many people along the way. But he had no choice. He and his brother had to face the obstacles. However, today, he decided, he was just going to relax, read a book, and enjoy the food. After the water was boiled, he made coffee for himself and while letting it cool down a bit, he went to look for the book.

_That's weird_, he thought to himself, scratching his head,_ where's the book?_ It was strange indeed, for the book itself was twenty centimetres thick – very hard to miss – with a bright red cover. He remembered putting it on the coffee table just beside the bed, but where was it now? Books were not supposed to grow legs all of a sudden and walk away. Confused, Edward decided to look around the whole hotel room.

The bedroom was very well organized. The beds were made, and there were nothing but a pair of slippers under the bed. It was unlikely that Al had put the book into Edward's suitcase, for the book's thickness did not allow itself to fit inside the suitcase. It was most certainly not in the tiny bathroom. He did not remember ever taking the book into the bathroom, and moreover, he did not have the habit of reading in the bathroom.

When he went around the whole of the place and failed to find the book, he returned to the kitchen. To his surprise, the book had been there, sitting on top of one of the chairs, the whole time. Even more confused, Edward took the book and his cup of coffee and went to the bedroom.

On the cover of the book was _The Extremely Complicated Book of Alchemy for Extremely Complicated Alchemists_, printed in bold, golden letters. Edward took a sip of his coffee and opened the book. When he reached out to skip the preface, he noticed that he had forgotten to bring his cookies along, so he put down the book and coffee on the coffee table and went back to the kitchen once more.

He raised an eyebrow as he entered the kitchen, for his bag of cookies was nowhere to be seen. "This is ridiculous," he said to himself. He _knew _that he had placed the cookies on the kitchen counter, but like the oatmeal cookies, they have mysteriously disappeared. He kneeled down to check under the table, and to his surprise, he found bits and pieces of cookies leading from the table to the kitchen door.

_There must be a thief in the neighbourhood, stealing all the cookies_, he considered as he stood up. _I can't let him or her steal any more of my cookies! _He followed the cookie fragments, which led to his bedroom. The bag that used to contain the cookies lay empty on the ground, just by the window. He looked around and decided that since there was no other exit, the thief must have escaped from the window. He then ran outside to examine the window, only to find Colonel Roy Mustang, First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye and Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc riding in Roy's shiny black car.

_Riding away so fast, eh? _Edward laughed as he chased the car, and when he decided that it was going too fast for him, he clapped his hands and touched the ground. With electric sparks flying everywhere, a huge wall appeared in front of the car, and needless to say, the car crushed right in. The three appeared to have gotten out of the trashed pile of metal fine, but all glared at Edward as he ran towards them.

"Fullmetal, did you just do that?" Colonel Mustang raised a brow and crossed his arms. "That was _my_ car, you know…." He turned and looked at what used to be a shiny, new black car, which had been turned into a pile of junk.

Second Lieutenant Havoc sighed and added, "Who else could have done that? Why'd you do that for, anyway?"

"Give me back my cookies, you cookie thief!" Edward ignored Havoc and shouted at Roy, who wore a rather confused expression. "Don't try to act innocent, I _know_ that you broke into our hotel room, stole my cookies, ate them, and fled through my bedroom window!"

Riza walked towards Edward and felt his forehead, then shook her head at the other two. "No sign of fever." Edward was enraged.

"Look," Roy heaved a sigh, "we don't know anything about your cookies. Besides, we were on a very important mission, and you just ruined our ride. If you'd fix it and we can be on our way –"

"The mission being?" Edward stared at Roy suspiciously, advancing towards him as if to interrogate him. "Stealing more cookies?" Roy and Jean sweatdropped at the remark, and stared at Edward blankly.

"No," Riza replied calmly. "The mission was to capture Colonel Mustang, who escaped from his office while he has three days worth of work piling up. We were just trying to transport him back to the Headquarter without letting him escape again. So please fix the car, and we'll be on our way." Riza smiled at Edward, but a huge vein popping out of her forehead suggested that she was not happy.

Edward quickly clapped his hands again, and within moments, the car was good as new – or, even better. On the side of the car was an announcement from the Fullmetal Alchemist: _Roy Mustang the arsonist has been captured by military official Riza Hawkeye_. Roy glared at Edward with an indescribable expression as Edward accelerated away from him.

_Now, where might the cookie thief be?_ Edward placed his hand on his chin and thought as he rolled his eyes. He decided that he should examine the scene of crime first, and then come up with some suspects. He revisited the kitchen, only to find his brother by the kitchen counter.

"Al? What are you doing there?" Edward called. Alphonse turned, jumped at the sight of his brother, and closed the cupboard quickly. "What's in there?"

"N-nothing," Alphonse replied quickly. Too quickly.

Edward walked to the cupboard and opened it despite his brother's attempts to stop him. To his surprise, it was not a kitten that he thought Alphonse might have hidden – it was a bag of chocolate chip cookies. "Cookies? What are these doing here?"

Alphonse hesitated for a moment, then replied, "Well – you see, I found a stray kitten yesterday, and he looked hungry. I saw you going into your bedroom so I snuck into the kitchen and grabbed your bag of chocolate chip cookies. I knew you wouldn't approve of me keeping him as a pet…."

"You took my chocolate chip cookies?" Edward blinked. "What happened to the oatmeal cookies from yesterday then?"

"Well….," Alphonse said indecisively. "I hate to tell you this, but last night, I was sitting in the kitchen with the kitty. But suddenly, you came in and I hid the kitten, but you didn't say anything – you just walked right past us and towards the counter. You stood on your tiptoes and reached for the cupboard, but couldn't reach it so you got a chair and stood on it to reach. When you still couldn't reach, you disappeared into your bedroom and came back after a while with that new book the Colonel let you borrow. You put that on the chair and stood on it, and took out the bag of oatmeal cookies after finally reaching it, then walked away. I didn't say anything to you and just pushed the chair back where it was."

Edward stared at Alphonse round-eyed, and gasped as every piece of information fell in place. Then, he realized the moral of the story – that he was _short_. He could not reach the cupboard by himself, not even with the help of a chair!

"But I bought another bag for you, to replace the old ones," Alphonse laughed nervously. "Don't eat them all like last time, you'll get cavities! There's a reason why I put them high on the cupboard, you know." So that Edward would not be able to reach it. Even his brother knew how to utilize his weakness.

Without another word, Edward retreated to his room, and collapsed on his bed. All that work for nothing at all. Today was supposed to be a day for relaxation, too. He groaned and wished to forget all that happened that day. Alphonse, being the nice, compassionate brother he was, left him alone with his thoughts and took the kitten out for a walk.

* * *

The very next day, Edward woke up early to hand in his reports to the Colonel. As he entered the office, he smelled the sweet aroma of none other than chocolate chip cookies. He frowned right away, but before he could back out, Riza greeted him and asked him to stay. "I bought some cookies from the bakery," she said, offering the bag to Edward. "I thought you might like some."

Edward refused it politely and laughed nervously. "No thank you, Second Lieutenant Hawkeye. I'm not really in the mood for cookies." _Not after what they reminded me of_, he added silently.

"Ooh?" Roy looked up from his deskwork, eager to join the conversation and get away from work. "I thought you were crazy about cookies. What was that about cookie thieves yesterday?"

"Don't. Even. Ask." Edward left the report lying on the desk and walked away, his face red as his jacket. Roy and Riza looked at each other and shrugged. He raced out of the military headquarter, and wished once again to reacquire his arm and leg, so that he may lose the automail. Without all the weight, he had hope of growing taller. Maybe.

**The End**


End file.
